When Life Gets Grey
One of the biggest challenges I have had to overcome in life is realizing that life is never as easy as it seems in my head. My mind is one attuned to logic, I can clearly see the blacks and whites of every situation; I know the good choice from the bad choice. However, I struggle with making literal decisions because whatever is responsible for my decisions is blind. Everything is simply grey. This gets me into a lot of trouble you see, but more importantly it makes it hard for me to get out of trouble. I have found an example of this discrepancy when it comes to me giving advice. I can motivate others and provide remedies to situations, however, when it becomes time to take my own advice, I fail again and again. This string of seemingly endless failures only makes it harder to work to make a change.
But, perhaps there isn't as much "black and white" in the world as we all believe, perhaps my key to success is learning to identify different shades of grey. As one who tries their best to live the standards of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, failure can be damaging to the already fragile psyche of saints. Our leaders often exclaim that "no failure ever need be final" but I have come to find that it is nearly impossible for individuals to believe that in times where they have made mistakes. This could be for a variety of reasons: social pressures, guilt, etc--but I know when it comes to myself, and a lot of those around me, it comes from having a strong love and testimony of God and being filled with remorse for having pulled ourselves away from His presence. But the truth of the matter is, no matter why we feel pained following sin, we are not the only ones who have felt that way. As hard as it is to believe when you're in the pit of self-deprecation, we are not the only ones who have made mistakes. We are not the only ones who have suffered as we do.The greatest men and women in the world have only become great because they have made mistakes and then decided to learn from them. I love the quote from Macklemore which states, "the greats weren't great because at birth they could paint, the greats were great because they paint a lot". Not all of those paintings were masterpieces, even later in the life of the successful artist, but they kept trying and that's how our international treasures have come about. Another song of Macklemore's that has given me much hope in my times of regret (and ultimately self-pity) is "Starting Over".
Perhaps you aren't aware of the story of Ben Haggerty. A drug addict and alcoholic trying to make it in the music scene. Upon becoming sober, his music began to flow and he created the best pieces of his career, however, in 2008 the flu and some medication caused a major relapse. But, instead of continuing on as a failure--giving into the drugs and believing there was no hope for him since he couldn't stay sober--he went back to rehab. Thus, the birth of the masterpiece (in my own opinion) "Starting Over". This mistake made him stronger and better prepared to avoid falling in the future. He learned his limits and he knew how important it was to avoid the line. He figured out that it is easier to avoid temptation than it is to resist it. "Enter not into the path of the wicked...Avoid it, pass not by it, turn from it, and pass away" (Proverbs 4:14-15). But it isn't always that easy, and when sin inevitably comes our way, we cannot destroy ourselves with the all-too-common negative self-talk. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone makes serious mistakes. No one is immune from failure.
Perhaps, the best thing I can do to illustrate this point is to quote the soliloquy of one of the greatest men who have ever lived: Nephi. No one can deny his faith, strength, and might--he was a prophet of God! However, even he became subject to the pains of sin. A prophet of God, yet he was still making mistakes. But, he recognized that there was hope and that is what I hope each of us can learn to see as well. There is hope. We can be made strong. May his prayer forever be ours as well.
But, perhaps there isn't as much "black and white" in the world as we all believe, perhaps my key to success is learning to identify different shades of grey. As one who tries their best to live the standards of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, failure can be damaging to the already fragile psyche of saints. Our leaders often exclaim that "no failure ever need be final" but I have come to find that it is nearly impossible for individuals to believe that in times where they have made mistakes. This could be for a variety of reasons: social pressures, guilt, etc--but I know when it comes to myself, and a lot of those around me, it comes from having a strong love and testimony of God and being filled with remorse for having pulled ourselves away from His presence. But the truth of the matter is, no matter why we feel pained following sin, we are not the only ones who have felt that way. As hard as it is to believe when you're in the pit of self-deprecation, we are not the only ones who have made mistakes. We are not the only ones who have suffered as we do.The greatest men and women in the world have only become great because they have made mistakes and then decided to learn from them. I love the quote from Macklemore which states, "the greats weren't great because at birth they could paint, the greats were great because they paint a lot". Not all of those paintings were masterpieces, even later in the life of the successful artist, but they kept trying and that's how our international treasures have come about. Another song of Macklemore's that has given me much hope in my times of regret (and ultimately self-pity) is "Starting Over".
Perhaps you aren't aware of the story of Ben Haggerty. A drug addict and alcoholic trying to make it in the music scene. Upon becoming sober, his music began to flow and he created the best pieces of his career, however, in 2008 the flu and some medication caused a major relapse. But, instead of continuing on as a failure--giving into the drugs and believing there was no hope for him since he couldn't stay sober--he went back to rehab. Thus, the birth of the masterpiece (in my own opinion) "Starting Over". This mistake made him stronger and better prepared to avoid falling in the future. He learned his limits and he knew how important it was to avoid the line. He figured out that it is easier to avoid temptation than it is to resist it. "Enter not into the path of the wicked...Avoid it, pass not by it, turn from it, and pass away" (Proverbs 4:14-15). But it isn't always that easy, and when sin inevitably comes our way, we cannot destroy ourselves with the all-too-common negative self-talk. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone makes serious mistakes. No one is immune from failure.
Perhaps, the best thing I can do to illustrate this point is to quote the soliloquy of one of the greatest men who have ever lived: Nephi. No one can deny his faith, strength, and might--he was a prophet of God! However, even he became subject to the pains of sin. A prophet of God, yet he was still making mistakes. But, he recognized that there was hope and that is what I hope each of us can learn to see as well. There is hope. We can be made strong. May his prayer forever be ours as well.
"Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh. ... O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions? And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy? Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul. ... Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation. ... O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? ... Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin? May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road! O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me ... O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm. Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen" (2 Nephi 4:17-21, 26-28, 30-35).
I love this post, Saydee! I love those scriptures so much - they are beautiful!
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