My Stream of Consciousness

I love you
It started the day we met
And here we are
Just a few weeks later
And I can't get you off my mind
You're everything
All aspects of my life fade
I wish it was later
That I met you three years from now
I wouldn't have to wait
Years without you
The thought sinks deeper
You've become my world
I can't lose you
I'll just float in space
An abyss of nothingness
We're moving so fast
I can't catch my breath
Could this flame burn out
Just as quickly as it came?
I don't want to do anything stupid
Stupidity feels so good
I can't jeopardize us
Maybe I am just by loving you
We're so young
We're just so right
Just so similar
But different where needed
I could spend forever with you
And still want more
I'm frightened though
You're going to leave me
I'll have nothing left
God has a plan
I know this is true
I just pray his plan for me
Always involves you

(What's between us started fast

Beginning with a spark

Illuminating a hidden world

Ignorant and hidden in the dark

I can't explain what's happened

Or just what spell you've cast

This flame's consuming everything

As it hurriedly blazes passed

But something haunting lingers

Evermore present still

What if this love consumes me

Like a fire upon a hill?

It could take us both

Burn, then spit us out

Leaving us with nothing

As it continues on it's route 

Please don't let it happen

Please don't let it be

I'm so in love that you just see

Without you there simply is no me)

.................................







Things have changed
I changed
I'm sorry
I still love you now
But I have to go
I'll always be near
I wont go too far
I'll come running when called
For now though
God's sending me another way
I want our plans to continue
I wish that they could be
Perhaps they still can
But I feel like they can't
I may go somewhere else
Somewhere I didn't want
But God needs me to be
I hate to leave you
I really don't want to
Priorities have changed
You haven't been replaced
No one could play you
But I need to obey
The promptings
That have come my way
You're an amazing person
I love you more
Than even life itself
But I need to take turn
And journey on another path
I'll never forget
The friend you were to me
I'll be your friend
I'll always try to be
But I can't be there all the time
I have responsibilities
And priorities I need to obey
I don't want to hurt you
Or cause you any pain
But my world is so fragile
It'll break if I carry yours
I can't withstand the burden
I do not have the strength
I'm sorry I am selfish
But I can't crash down again
I just repaired my damages
I won't be able to heal again
Depression hurts
A numbing pain that haunts the soul
It is addicting
As contagious as a plague
I'm just too susceptible
If I lose the Spirit
I'll lose all hope for a future
God has a plan for me
And depression will keep me back
From reaching my height
All of my potential
I just feel terrible
I don't want to do this
Leaving you hurt me
Far more than it does you
If you can let it go
I won't stay away
But for now I know I must
Because I am sinking down
I can't help you
If I'm on lower ground
I'm not as strong as I wish I were
I'm not your hero
The Spirit has warned me
I need to obey
I'm sorry
I just need to obey






................................






Nothing more than emptiness

Has distanced me from Thee

I wasn't pulled away

My path I could clearly see

But something held me back

That I simply can't explain

My void grew greater 

Intensifying all the pain

Wondering where you were

Wondering if the lies could all be true

Was I really unimportant

Did I mean anything at all to you?

Giving up seemed the only solution

I couldn't have been more wrong 

You came with arms outstretched

And I found where I belong