Who am I?

The title stands due to my conflicting emotions at the present time. I have been filled with overwhelming gratitude lately for the spiritual blessings of the Lord that have been so prevalent in my life these past few weeks. I'm grateful to know that I am loved by my Lord and Savior. I'm grateful for my family, and the love which abounds in my home. However, I'm struggling to find just what it is that I need to be. I'm not happy with who I am. I'm weak, I find myself making the same mistakes. I'm difficult to put up with, it's a miracle anyone has ever been able to. I want to change, I want to be the person that God has envisioned me to be. I think that it will require me to open up about my past, and that is something that scares me. I don't want to face my mistakes, but if I never do, then I will never be able to move on.

How can one escape the mistakes of their past, when so many people were witnesses to the transgressions? I'm so grateful that I have my dear best friend, I love her more than words can describe. Her ability to not judge, to forgive and to forget is a blessing I couldn't begin to ever fully and completely thank her for. She truly emulates that Christ-like attribute. Unfortunately, she is the only one. Spending time with some friends this weekend reminded me that I can't escape my past. It's there. I'm better now, I've changed my heart, I want to follow the Lord. I want to keep the commandments, I want to serve my God. I don't want to be haunted by my mistakes. Yet, they are there. My friends don't understand my change of heart, probably because I hide it. I'm afraid of them not caring for me once they find out. That's why I'm ashamed of myself. I don't stand up, I'm afraid of confrontation. I'm not as strong as I seem to be--as I pretend to be. I need the atonement. I need to be forgiven. I know that my Father in Heaven can forget, but can anyone else?