What Have I Become?

I don't mean to complain
I'm one of the lucky ones
I have a home
My parents love me
I don't go hungry or cold
Yet I am miserable
I'm haunted by pain
It never leaves me
I walk
It isn't easy
I close my fists
The feeling excruciating
I can't stay awake
No matter how hard I try
I need to rest
Even if I merely stand
Swallowing hurts
I don't know why
I spend too many hours crying in the dark
Praying away migraine
After migraine
After migraine
I know I'm lucky
I can do things still
I can't remember life without pain
I can't remember remembering
My memory fades
Too fast
And fades faster every day
I have lots to do
But no motivation
I ache
I scream
It does me no good
I have to learn to cope
The future is only harder
What am I going to do
I need to find solutions
But I am too tired
My eyes are drooping now
I haven't left my bed
What have I become
How did I let this be
This can't be right
This really can't be me
I should be better
I'm lucky
I have opportunities many don't
I can do what others cant
Yet I waste my life
Too tired to get out of bed
Too achy to even move
The tears wont stop
I'm a wasted opportunity
I'm blessed
Too bad its lost on me
Someone else should have my home
My family, friends and talents
I should be on the street
That's where slackers should be
God please, I beg
Help me
I don't like being wasteful
I don't want to sleep all day
I want to work hard
But my legs refuse to stand
I don't want special treatment
I don't deserve it
My problems are but few
I shouldn't even complain
I only hurt
I'm not limited
I'm only tired
I'm not handicapped
Someone suffers worse
Many more far worse
I'm just weak
I'm just lazy
I'm just too tired
I ache too much to try
It shouldn't define me
I shouldn't let it win
Yet, I have given in
I'm a waste of space
I'm a waste of time
I'm a waste of talent
I'm a waste of mine