It's Not What You Think

Don't tell me it's wrong 

I already know that 

I knew that when I started 

The first time I tried 

It was wrong then 

It's not wrong now 

It makes me feel good 

The pain goes away 

I forget what it feels like

At least for those few moments 

It's healing 

Refreshing 

I can't sleep all day 

Yet that's what I want 

It's not a waste 

That's what it's for 

To feel good 

That's why I like it 

You wouldn't understand 

No one does

I'm sick all the time 

I hurt every second 

A pain so dulling 

I can't remember life as a full person

I'm not empty 

I'm full

Full of suppressed screams 

And haunting aches

This takes me away

I know that it's wrong 

But I feel good 

The pain is gone 

It's my only escape

Don't judge me

Don't try to change me

Or fix me 

Or fit me to your mold 

This is who I am

What I am 

How I am

I wouldn't change 

I couldn't change

Even if I tried