The Best Path

I was so good

I lasted longer than I had before

But I slipped

I stumbled

Whatever I lost 

Came back two fold

It'll take weeks to get back

I didn't have the willpower

It called to me

I gave in

It controlled me

Consumed me

As I consumed it

Where was the strength

I had no choice

I didn't want to

Some other force wouldn't let me stop

It's never been this bad

I could always stop

I stopped yesterday

And the day before

And even before that

I didn't even find it satisfying

It didn't fill any void

It didn't delight my senses

I wanted it out

It wouldn't leave

I tried and tried

It had taken a permanent residence

It would destroy me

That's what it wants

Devoid me of happiness

The satisfaction of achievement

Now I feel sick

There's too much

More than there should be

What have I done

It wasn't my fault

I didn't do it

I didn't want to do it

I had no choice

I chose to be dictated 

I didn't expect this

I didn't want this

I wanted to be something more

More than the hollow shell

The empty pit

I have become someone else

I don't like it

I liked myself yesterday

No; I liked what I envisioned yesterday

Yesterday I was better than today

But worse than I would be

Than I could be

Than I could've been

I threw that way

One mistake, then another

The detour made me miserable

More than usual

The headache is gone

But that isn't worth it

I want to love myself

Beauty is pain

Winning is pain

Achievement is sacrifice

Therefore I need to sacrifice

Endure the pain

To finally be happy

Contempt with who I am

What I am

I'll do whatever it takes

I wont end up like them

I'll be smart

I'll be safe

I wont go too far

I wont relapse again
Today was a one time mistake

A learning experience

Never again

I will achieve my goals

I'll do what I want

I won't listen to anyone else

Including myself

Half the time it's wrong

But I wont be wrong now

I know what I'm doing

It is guaranteed to work

I don't have time to work

I don't have to do anything

Except stop doing what people claim

Is vital to my existence

I'll show them

I'll prove them wrong

They'll see

Eventually they'll see what I see

I'll see what they say

I'll be beautiful

I'll finally see it